Whilst cleaning out one of the drawers in my room not too long ago, I happened upon this little bit of insanity that was written by yours truly at the tender age of nine...or ten. It's all a bit hazy, so I can't remember exactly. What I do remember is that I was sitting in my room, busily playing with Legos and started acting out the following...skit., I guess you would call it. Now, you must understand that when I played with Legos, I didn't just build something and then break it, oh no, I would build something and then proceed to spin out a tale that sometimes lasted for days on end. Like this one time I had a bunch of Silly-Putty and I pretended it was some kind of evil space goo, and it crash landed on Earth and all the Lego guys had to try and stop it from taking over the world. But at first it looked like there was no way, because it was goo, ya know? and all of their shots were just absorbed or passed right through it, and then the goo would come up and swallow whoever was shooting at it, so everyone had to put their heads together and.....But I digress. Anyhoodle, here's the little skit that I thought was so funny I just had to write it down:
THE BUGS
and Floyd
Fred: Look Floyd, bugs!
Floyd: Ahhh! Bugs!! I hate bugs!
Floyd starts stamping the bugs while yelling: "Bugs! I hate bugs!"
Fred: Ooookay. I'll just leave now.
Floyd: I hate bugs!
Fred leaves the house. Floyd's wife and daughter walk in.
Daughter: Mommy, is daddy ok?
Wife: It's ok Sue, your daddy does this sometimes.
Sue: What's he saying?
Wife: Listen.
Floyd: I hate bugs! If I had it my way there would be no bugs! Why are there bugs, anyway?
Sue: Are you sure daddy's ok?
Wife:It's ok Sue, don't worry.
Floyd: Confound and botherate these bugs!
Wife: Ok, now you can worry.
Floyd goes and gets his shotgun and starts shooting the bugs.
Floyd: Ha ha ha! Die bugs!
Wife: Honey, I think you should stop now. You're scaring Sue.
Floyd: Nonsense, April. Sue hates bugs too.
Sue: No I don't. I think bugs are cool.
Floyd: What?!? Go to your room! You're grounded!!!
Sue runs to her room, crying.
April: I don't think that was necessary,dear.
Floyd drops the shotgun.
Floyd: You dare question my authority?!?
April: No, I just-
Floyd picks up the shotgun and says: I've got a shotgun!
April: Honey-
Floyd: I've got a shotgun and I know how to use it!
April:Um, dear, I think it's supposed to be turned the other way around.
Floyd: Now you're telling me how to do things?!? That's it! I'm getting rid of you right now!
Floyd pulls the trigger and goes flying out the window.
The End
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
The Number of Completion (I think I'm the last one...)
You all know the drill by now.
Seven things...
To do before I die:
= Travel the world
= Fall completely, totally in love and (here's the kicker) have that feeling returned
= Write and publish my novel
= Get it made into one seriously awesome movie. I know it would be awesome! I just know it!
= Become a martial artist
= To be called Grandpa, and be able to finally grow my Grandpa Beard (that's a trademarked term right there)
= To randomly just hop in the car and drive until I wind up somewhere
I cannot do:
= Whistle really loud through my fingers
= Comprehend eternity
= Eat boiled squash
= Be flexible
= Stand people who imitate homosexuals. It's abomination people. If you kid around about it, it means you're not taking it seriously
= I cannot bear to be left out
= Get up on time on a school day. I always need at least five more minutes.
That attracted me to my spouse:
= Eyes you can drown in
= The fact that she'd as soon slit your throat as look at you (yeah, figure that one out...)
= A Godly spirit
= She's intelligent and can carry on an intelligent conversation
= She shares some of my interests, but not all of them (if we're exactly alike, one of us is unnecessary)
= She'll argue with me. I mean a real good argument, with raised voices and everything. Maybe we could even throw stuff at each other.
= But at the end of said argument, she acknowledges that the Bible says that she is to be the submissive one (but not too submissive)
Things I say most often:
= Holy crap!
= Are you serious?
= Indeed
= indubitably (ok not really but it's just a cool word)
= N-n-n-n-n-n-no
= Yes?
= I'm hungry
Books I love:
= LOTR
= Chronicles of Narnia
= My Side of the Mountain
= The Wheel of Time series (most of them anyways)
= Ender's Game
= The Count of Monte Cristo
= Dune
(before you guys rag on me, the Bible is separate and apart)
Movies I could watch over and over:
= Any LOTR movie
= Batman Begins
= Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
= Pirates of the Caribbean
= X-Men 2
= Master and Commander
= Ocean's 11 and 12
People I want to tag:
= George W. Bush
Seven things...
To do before I die:
= Travel the world
= Fall completely, totally in love and (here's the kicker) have that feeling returned
= Write and publish my novel
= Get it made into one seriously awesome movie. I know it would be awesome! I just know it!
= Become a martial artist
= To be called Grandpa, and be able to finally grow my Grandpa Beard (that's a trademarked term right there)
= To randomly just hop in the car and drive until I wind up somewhere
I cannot do:
= Whistle really loud through my fingers
= Comprehend eternity
= Eat boiled squash
= Be flexible
= Stand people who imitate homosexuals. It's abomination people. If you kid around about it, it means you're not taking it seriously
= I cannot bear to be left out
= Get up on time on a school day. I always need at least five more minutes.
That attracted me to my spouse:
= Eyes you can drown in
= The fact that she'd as soon slit your throat as look at you (yeah, figure that one out...)
= A Godly spirit
= She's intelligent and can carry on an intelligent conversation
= She shares some of my interests, but not all of them (if we're exactly alike, one of us is unnecessary)
= She'll argue with me. I mean a real good argument, with raised voices and everything. Maybe we could even throw stuff at each other.
= But at the end of said argument, she acknowledges that the Bible says that she is to be the submissive one (but not too submissive)
Things I say most often:
= Holy crap!
= Are you serious?
= Indeed
= indubitably (ok not really but it's just a cool word)
= N-n-n-n-n-n-no
= Yes?
= I'm hungry
Books I love:
= LOTR
= Chronicles of Narnia
= My Side of the Mountain
= The Wheel of Time series (most of them anyways)
= Ender's Game
= The Count of Monte Cristo
= Dune
(before you guys rag on me, the Bible is separate and apart)
Movies I could watch over and over:
= Any LOTR movie
= Batman Begins
= Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
= Pirates of the Caribbean
= X-Men 2
= Master and Commander
= Ocean's 11 and 12
People I want to tag:
= George W. Bush
Friday, December 02, 2005
Messiah
On Monday of this week I had one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I was able to perform in Handel's Messiah. If you don't know what that is, then shame on you. Messiah is the famous oratorio (great word) which contains the Hallelujah chorus that everybody knows. My father, mother, one of my sisters, and myself were all in the choir.
Now the music was fantastic, what with the huge choir (about 80-100 strong) singing, and the orchestra playing, but what really stands out is the words. Handel used only scripture, and it's really hard to improve on God's writing. By Handel's choice of words, and the music he put to them, you can tell he was very close to the Lord when he was writing this. In Surely He Hath Bourne Our Griefs you can almost feel Christ's suffering. In For Since By Man Came Death you get a sense of the awful state that man put himself in, but also an explosive sense of joy in knowing that Jesus rescued us from that fate.
This is a beautiful and spiritually nourishing piece of music, and should you ever get the chance to be a part of the Messiah, leap at it.
Now the music was fantastic, what with the huge choir (about 80-100 strong) singing, and the orchestra playing, but what really stands out is the words. Handel used only scripture, and it's really hard to improve on God's writing. By Handel's choice of words, and the music he put to them, you can tell he was very close to the Lord when he was writing this. In Surely He Hath Bourne Our Griefs you can almost feel Christ's suffering. In For Since By Man Came Death you get a sense of the awful state that man put himself in, but also an explosive sense of joy in knowing that Jesus rescued us from that fate.
This is a beautiful and spiritually nourishing piece of music, and should you ever get the chance to be a part of the Messiah, leap at it.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Dear Ralph the First
I "recently" received the following e-mail:
Dear Ralph--
Ok, so like, my boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues lately, and like, the other day we were talking on IM, and I told him I was so way tired of his avatar. So what do you think he did? He like went right then and got this avatar that's a picture from a movie he knows I so totally HATE! Is he trying to say something? Should I take it personally? I think I'm gonna call and tell him he is the biggest loser ever and I am like totally dumping him, or whatever. What do you think? Help me, Ralph!
-- McCayla
Dear McCayla,
In our day and time, internet relationship troubles are becoming an all too common problem. The IM avatar is a powerful expression of individuality, and oftentimes a window into a person's true being, so problems concerning this symbol should be dealt with quickly and thoroughly.
There are two possible explanations to your boyfriends behavior, both of them troubling.
1. He's not taking the avatar seriously, in which case he is really not the kind of person you would want to be with. A guy who jokes around about something as important as the Buddy Icon will invariably prove to be out of touch with reality or something like that.
2. He is taking the icon seriously, which would mean if he changed it to something he knows you despise, he's sending powerful signals about how he feels about the relationship. By changing his avatar to a symbol he knows will cause conflict, he's expressing that he doesn't feel he can relate to you, or that you can't understand him. In either case, it's a bad thing.
So, after careful examination and consideration, I have arrived at the following conclusion: Dump the loser. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, McCayla, since breakups are always painful, but trust me, I'm doing you a favor.
Ralph
Dear Ralph--
Ok, so like, my boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues lately, and like, the other day we were talking on IM, and I told him I was so way tired of his avatar. So what do you think he did? He like went right then and got this avatar that's a picture from a movie he knows I so totally HATE! Is he trying to say something? Should I take it personally? I think I'm gonna call and tell him he is the biggest loser ever and I am like totally dumping him, or whatever. What do you think? Help me, Ralph!
-- McCayla
Dear McCayla,
In our day and time, internet relationship troubles are becoming an all too common problem. The IM avatar is a powerful expression of individuality, and oftentimes a window into a person's true being, so problems concerning this symbol should be dealt with quickly and thoroughly.
There are two possible explanations to your boyfriends behavior, both of them troubling.
1. He's not taking the avatar seriously, in which case he is really not the kind of person you would want to be with. A guy who jokes around about something as important as the Buddy Icon will invariably prove to be out of touch with reality or something like that.
2. He is taking the icon seriously, which would mean if he changed it to something he knows you despise, he's sending powerful signals about how he feels about the relationship. By changing his avatar to a symbol he knows will cause conflict, he's expressing that he doesn't feel he can relate to you, or that you can't understand him. In either case, it's a bad thing.
So, after careful examination and consideration, I have arrived at the following conclusion: Dump the loser. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, McCayla, since breakups are always painful, but trust me, I'm doing you a favor.
Ralph
Monday, November 07, 2005
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Ye Olde Spellinge
The other day, whilst I was clearing the yard of leaf remains (which, despite it's inherently grisly nature, is actually a very boring task) I fell to thinking, which is often the case. I fell to thinking about the womenfolk, attempting to puzzle them out, which is also often the case. (On a side note, I would like to say to any fellas reading this that if you ever find yourself with nothing to do, trying to figure out the ladies will provide you with endless hours of brainwork.)
But as I was saying, while I was chopping and disfiguring all those leaves, I began musing upon the subject of what kind of man women look for. Now, I know that it varies greatly from woman to woman, but usually they have something in common (like wanting said man to not be a complete jerk). But what really puzzles me is that the same girl will more often than not want wildly different, and in some cases contradictory, traits in her "dream man". For instance: They want a guy who is sensitive (whatever the heck that means...), he'll spout poetry and hold long conversations about Austen or Bronte or some such. But at the same time they want a guy who will...I don't know, grab snakes and tie them in knots, or break rocks with their foreheads. Listen ladies, if a guy is spending all of his time reading Pride and Prejudice he is not out climbing mountains or wrestling grizzlies. And quite frankly, any "guy" who would want to watch Elizabeth Bennet sort out her personal problems rather than, say, Aragorn go to town on some Uruks,isn't much of a guy in my professional opinion.
I guess I'd just like to point out that we're guys. We are different. We don't like to sit around and talk about our feelings. We like things that explode. We definitely do not understand you ladies. So don't hold your breath too long waiting on someone who is basically just another girl with a Y chromosome.
The conclusion? Girls have no idea what they want until it bites them in the face.
My brain hurts.
But as I was saying, while I was chopping and disfiguring all those leaves, I began musing upon the subject of what kind of man women look for. Now, I know that it varies greatly from woman to woman, but usually they have something in common (like wanting said man to not be a complete jerk). But what really puzzles me is that the same girl will more often than not want wildly different, and in some cases contradictory, traits in her "dream man". For instance: They want a guy who is sensitive (whatever the heck that means...), he'll spout poetry and hold long conversations about Austen or Bronte or some such. But at the same time they want a guy who will...I don't know, grab snakes and tie them in knots, or break rocks with their foreheads. Listen ladies, if a guy is spending all of his time reading Pride and Prejudice he is not out climbing mountains or wrestling grizzlies. And quite frankly, any "guy" who would want to watch Elizabeth Bennet sort out her personal problems rather than, say, Aragorn go to town on some Uruks,isn't much of a guy in my professional opinion.
I guess I'd just like to point out that we're guys. We are different. We don't like to sit around and talk about our feelings. We like things that explode. We definitely do not understand you ladies. So don't hold your breath too long waiting on someone who is basically just another girl with a Y chromosome.
The conclusion? Girls have no idea what they want until it bites them in the face.
My brain hurts.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
The Champions
Let there be rejoicing in the hills and on the plains! For this night, the Spartans are crowned the West Jefferson Youth Soccer League 2005 Season Champions! (Quite a title isn't it?)
We were led to a 2-0 victory over the Storm tonight by our beloved team captain Luke Brymer (with proper help from the defensive captain: Yours Truly). This was Luke's last season to play, so it was a fitting send off (as was the shaving cream battle after the game). It's been an excellent season, and though I am very tired right now, I'm sure that after I've had some sleep, I'll be looking forward to the next one. The Spartans will be back next year to defend our title. Luke, we'll miss ya, buddy.
We were led to a 2-0 victory over the Storm tonight by our beloved team captain Luke Brymer (with proper help from the defensive captain: Yours Truly). This was Luke's last season to play, so it was a fitting send off (as was the shaving cream battle after the game). It's been an excellent season, and though I am very tired right now, I'm sure that after I've had some sleep, I'll be looking forward to the next one. The Spartans will be back next year to defend our title. Luke, we'll miss ya, buddy.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Sushi Muffins
With all the glowing sentiments of Fall that are being posted, I feel led to step up to the plate and bring some people's heads down from the clouds. Someone needs to remind you guys of Fall's unpleasant side, and I warn you, this post will be unpleasant. Now don't call me a pessimist or a cynic; I'm just trying to keep things balanced.
Fall is a time when the leaves die. They fall to the ground in a thick carpet, and completely obscure the brown, dying grass. Face it people, Fall is a time of death. Even the name of the season:Fall, is generally a negative term. The grass dies, the leaves die, and the trees are left bare to sigh and moan in the chill wind.
Another point. All those leaves go to the ground as I have said. Eventually someone, coughDadcough, is going to want all of those leaves off of the ground. Which means he delegates. Now, this is a big word that simply means he finds someone else to do the work that he doesn't want to do. So, armed with a rake you go out face the grisly sight. The whole of the yard, strewn with the corpses of the leaves. You start the morbid task of collecting those decaying bodies into heaps of the dead, which are then either cremated, or unceremoniously hauled off to a mass grave.
Or, if you are fortunate enough to own a lawn mower with a vacuum (which we are), you can get rid of the leaves that way. But this is far more gruesome. Now, instead of merely being gathered and disposed of, the leaves are mangled and chopped into pieces by spinning metal blades of death before being taken away. Horrible.
Now consider the holidays of Fall. Halloween is one. Need I say more?
But then there's Thanksgiving. "What in the world can you have against Thanksgiving?!?!?" you may asked incredulously. Think a moment. What is the high point of Thanksgiving? The dinner. What is the center piece of any Thanksgiving dinner? The turkey. The turkey that was cruelly slaughtered, and then had it's unfortunate remains boiled, or basted, or baked, and then ripped into by ravenous carnivores.
A season of death indeed.
So go out and enjoy your pumpkins (before you eviscerate them), eat your candy(and feel your teeth decaying as you munch), curl up and read by the fire (as your eyes dry from the smoke, and become damaged by the strain of reading without adequate light), jump in the piles of leaf corpses, whatever. It's Fall.
(On a side note, I think I should explain that Fall is my most favoritest season, and this post is supposed to be a joke...sort of. So you if you took this waaaay to seriously and are now mad at me for soiling your fall experience, or extremely worried about what kind of sad, depressing life I lead, you really need to lighten up bub.)
Fall is a time when the leaves die. They fall to the ground in a thick carpet, and completely obscure the brown, dying grass. Face it people, Fall is a time of death. Even the name of the season:Fall, is generally a negative term. The grass dies, the leaves die, and the trees are left bare to sigh and moan in the chill wind.
Another point. All those leaves go to the ground as I have said. Eventually someone, coughDadcough, is going to want all of those leaves off of the ground. Which means he delegates. Now, this is a big word that simply means he finds someone else to do the work that he doesn't want to do. So, armed with a rake you go out face the grisly sight. The whole of the yard, strewn with the corpses of the leaves. You start the morbid task of collecting those decaying bodies into heaps of the dead, which are then either cremated, or unceremoniously hauled off to a mass grave.
Or, if you are fortunate enough to own a lawn mower with a vacuum (which we are), you can get rid of the leaves that way. But this is far more gruesome. Now, instead of merely being gathered and disposed of, the leaves are mangled and chopped into pieces by spinning metal blades of death before being taken away. Horrible.
Now consider the holidays of Fall. Halloween is one. Need I say more?
But then there's Thanksgiving. "What in the world can you have against Thanksgiving?!?!?" you may asked incredulously. Think a moment. What is the high point of Thanksgiving? The dinner. What is the center piece of any Thanksgiving dinner? The turkey. The turkey that was cruelly slaughtered, and then had it's unfortunate remains boiled, or basted, or baked, and then ripped into by ravenous carnivores.
A season of death indeed.
So go out and enjoy your pumpkins (before you eviscerate them), eat your candy(and feel your teeth decaying as you munch), curl up and read by the fire (as your eyes dry from the smoke, and become damaged by the strain of reading without adequate light), jump in the piles of leaf corpses, whatever. It's Fall.
(On a side note, I think I should explain that Fall is my most favoritest season, and this post is supposed to be a joke...sort of. So you if you took this waaaay to seriously and are now mad at me for soiling your fall experience, or extremely worried about what kind of sad, depressing life I lead, you really need to lighten up bub.)
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Crumpets
Let's try this again...
Ok, so it's been a while. But I told you not to expect regular updates. Why don't you people ever listen to me? I guess that's just part of being a middle child. No, no, it's ok. I'm used to it by now. What's been going on lately? Quite a lot actually. For example, last Tuesday (the 4th) I turned sixteen. The age of the license. So I went to get it. Now that was a trip, let me tell ya. *The audience, who has already heard this story at least four times, groans.*
We (meaning my mother and I) arrived at the Alabama Department of Public Safety at approximately 11:30am. I had already been here the year before to get my permit, so I knew what to expect. This time I remembered to bring something to read. This time I wasn't going to be stuck twiddling my thumbs for hours on end. So in a fairly good mood, I settled into a fairly uncomfortable plastic chair with The Count of Monte Cristo and prepared to wait it out.
Five hours later.
You know, after you've been the same room with the same group of strangers for any length of time, the "stranger" status begins to wear off. You start striking up little chats with whoever happens to be sitting/standing/tearing their hair out in frustrated impatience next to you. When someone's number is called they cheer, and everyone else cheers with them, though perhaps silently. There's a real sense of camaraderie. It actually would have been a pretty fun time if it hadn't been for the fact that I'd been sitting in the same chair, breathing the same oxygen for the past five hours, hardly willing to go to the bathroom lest my number be called in my absence.
Needless to say, when my number finally was called, I was very,very happy. I was finally going into The Room. That happy feeling lasted right up to the part where I sat down in the empty chair across from the desk. That was when I was confronted by a very large, very snippy, and very bad tempered black woman. "Please Lord, please, oh please, don't let this be my license examiner!" I just knew that if I took the road test with her in the car, she would fail me just for making her leave the comfort of her desk chair. I had seen the other large, black women back there actually crack a smile once in a while. This one? No such luck. Fortunately (well, now that I look back on it) my insurance card was expired. That's right folks. Five hours of waiting and what to show for it? Diddley. Squat.
Needless to say, when I found this out I was very, very disappointed. I would have taken any license examiner, if only they would let me take the test! We ask what we need to do. Get an insurance card that's not expired they say. Ok, how late are you open? We process until 4:00. What time is it? 3:56. Fantastic.
We went back in the morning. I was determined to be the safest darn driver in Alabama, just to show them. I'd be so safe, they would have no choice but the let me pass. "This is just incredible!" they would say. " We're giving you an A class license!You want to transport hazardous waste? Go right ahead! Oh, you want to fly an airplane too? No problem! Here, take this license to operate a tank as well!" So I took the test. I passed. I am now legally a danger to motorists everywhere.The examiner guy was actually pretty cool, and I must have done well as the only thing he said to me by way of criticism was to go faster (and I had no problem with that). Unfortunately, they didn't award me a tank license (there's always next year...) but, Saturday I had a most awesome party. It more than made up for my actual birthday fiasco. I forgot how many awesome friends I had. It made me feel very good inside, and also very undeserving. It was, quite possibly, the Best. Party. Ever. I would write more about it, but I don't think I can properly express how it made me feel. The capitalized words above will have to suffice.
So all in all...my sixteenth birthday rocked.
Just a side note, I am listening to Flamenco music as I write this. It sounds very...sultry? It's interesting how music can convey those types of emotions with no words. *Listens for a moment.* Hmmm....maybe I should visit Spain.
Ok, so it's been a while. But I told you not to expect regular updates. Why don't you people ever listen to me? I guess that's just part of being a middle child. No, no, it's ok. I'm used to it by now. What's been going on lately? Quite a lot actually. For example, last Tuesday (the 4th) I turned sixteen. The age of the license. So I went to get it. Now that was a trip, let me tell ya. *The audience, who has already heard this story at least four times, groans.*
We (meaning my mother and I) arrived at the Alabama Department of Public Safety at approximately 11:30am. I had already been here the year before to get my permit, so I knew what to expect. This time I remembered to bring something to read. This time I wasn't going to be stuck twiddling my thumbs for hours on end. So in a fairly good mood, I settled into a fairly uncomfortable plastic chair with The Count of Monte Cristo and prepared to wait it out.
Five hours later.
You know, after you've been the same room with the same group of strangers for any length of time, the "stranger" status begins to wear off. You start striking up little chats with whoever happens to be sitting/standing/tearing their hair out in frustrated impatience next to you. When someone's number is called they cheer, and everyone else cheers with them, though perhaps silently. There's a real sense of camaraderie. It actually would have been a pretty fun time if it hadn't been for the fact that I'd been sitting in the same chair, breathing the same oxygen for the past five hours, hardly willing to go to the bathroom lest my number be called in my absence.
Needless to say, when my number finally was called, I was very,very happy. I was finally going into The Room. That happy feeling lasted right up to the part where I sat down in the empty chair across from the desk. That was when I was confronted by a very large, very snippy, and very bad tempered black woman. "Please Lord, please, oh please, don't let this be my license examiner!" I just knew that if I took the road test with her in the car, she would fail me just for making her leave the comfort of her desk chair. I had seen the other large, black women back there actually crack a smile once in a while. This one? No such luck. Fortunately (well, now that I look back on it) my insurance card was expired. That's right folks. Five hours of waiting and what to show for it? Diddley. Squat.
Needless to say, when I found this out I was very, very disappointed. I would have taken any license examiner, if only they would let me take the test! We ask what we need to do. Get an insurance card that's not expired they say. Ok, how late are you open? We process until 4:00. What time is it? 3:56. Fantastic.
We went back in the morning. I was determined to be the safest darn driver in Alabama, just to show them. I'd be so safe, they would have no choice but the let me pass. "This is just incredible!" they would say. " We're giving you an A class license!You want to transport hazardous waste? Go right ahead! Oh, you want to fly an airplane too? No problem! Here, take this license to operate a tank as well!" So I took the test. I passed. I am now legally a danger to motorists everywhere.The examiner guy was actually pretty cool, and I must have done well as the only thing he said to me by way of criticism was to go faster (and I had no problem with that). Unfortunately, they didn't award me a tank license (there's always next year...) but, Saturday I had a most awesome party. It more than made up for my actual birthday fiasco. I forgot how many awesome friends I had. It made me feel very good inside, and also very undeserving. It was, quite possibly, the Best. Party. Ever. I would write more about it, but I don't think I can properly express how it made me feel. The capitalized words above will have to suffice.
So all in all...my sixteenth birthday rocked.
Just a side note, I am listening to Flamenco music as I write this. It sounds very...sultry? It's interesting how music can convey those types of emotions with no words. *Listens for a moment.* Hmmm....maybe I should visit Spain.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Friday, September 30, 2005
So Then I Said...
Kids, today I would like to discuss a very important aspect of fire safety. Please study the following illustration carefully.
Now, I know that setting yourself on fire might seem like a good, fun idea. I know you'll be in a situation where everyone's doing it and you might be tempted to succumb to the peer pressure. You'll be afraid that all the other kids will laugh at you if you don't go along. Let me take this opportunity to encourage you to not give in. Setting yourself on fire is not fun, and it is most definantly not safe.
But what if you find yourself in a situation where you have accidentally set yourself on fire? There are some basic safety rules that you should follow.
First, here is a list of what you should not do:
1. Do not panic.
2. Do not run around waving your arms and screaming like a maniac, "AHHHHH!!! I'M ON FIRE!! I'M ON FIRE!!!"
3. Do not jump into a pool of gasoline.
4. Do not give anyone standing nearby a hug.
So here is what you should do.
1. First, calmly assess the situation and plan your course of action. Your thought process might go something like this: "Now, it appears that I am on fire. This could be a potentially hazardous situation to me and those around me, so I should take steps to deal with it promptly and safely."
2. If there is a body of water nearby, it would be wise to make your way calmly but quickly towards it. Once there,immerse yourself, thereby extinguishing the flames. (Caution: This step carries some risk of drowning. Exercise care.)
3. If there is no body of water present, calmly drop to the ground, but not too quickly or you might cause bruising, and then proceed to roll about (again not too quickly or vigorously; you're already on fire, you don't want to be sore on top of that) until the flames are put out.
4. If there is no ground nearby, if say, you are falling out of an airplane and are on fire, quickly and calmly remove the articles of clothing that are aflame and discard them. (Caution: This step carries some risk of embarrassment.)
Well kids, this concludes today's lesson. I hope that you have learned something valuable about fire safety. Remember, in any emergency situation the best advice is to not panic, whether it be a nuclear disaster, or the spontaneous combustion of a limb, just try to remain calm.
Stay safe!
Now, I know that setting yourself on fire might seem like a good, fun idea. I know you'll be in a situation where everyone's doing it and you might be tempted to succumb to the peer pressure. You'll be afraid that all the other kids will laugh at you if you don't go along. Let me take this opportunity to encourage you to not give in. Setting yourself on fire is not fun, and it is most definantly not safe.
But what if you find yourself in a situation where you have accidentally set yourself on fire? There are some basic safety rules that you should follow.
First, here is a list of what you should not do:
1. Do not panic.
2. Do not run around waving your arms and screaming like a maniac, "AHHHHH!!! I'M ON FIRE!! I'M ON FIRE!!!"
3. Do not jump into a pool of gasoline.
4. Do not give anyone standing nearby a hug.
So here is what you should do.
1. First, calmly assess the situation and plan your course of action. Your thought process might go something like this: "Now, it appears that I am on fire. This could be a potentially hazardous situation to me and those around me, so I should take steps to deal with it promptly and safely."
2. If there is a body of water nearby, it would be wise to make your way calmly but quickly towards it. Once there,immerse yourself, thereby extinguishing the flames. (Caution: This step carries some risk of drowning. Exercise care.)
3. If there is no body of water present, calmly drop to the ground, but not too quickly or you might cause bruising, and then proceed to roll about (again not too quickly or vigorously; you're already on fire, you don't want to be sore on top of that) until the flames are put out.
4. If there is no ground nearby, if say, you are falling out of an airplane and are on fire, quickly and calmly remove the articles of clothing that are aflame and discard them. (Caution: This step carries some risk of embarrassment.)
Well kids, this concludes today's lesson. I hope that you have learned something valuable about fire safety. Remember, in any emergency situation the best advice is to not panic, whether it be a nuclear disaster, or the spontaneous combustion of a limb, just try to remain calm.
Stay safe!
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Forked tongues
This afternoon I spent a good two hours or so tramping around in the woods behind my house. I was wearing my big boots because, as everyone knows, big boots are essential if one wishes to tramp properly.
It was one of the most enjoyable afternoons I've spent in a while. It was so quiet down there.So quite; and quietness is a rare thing around my house. The only noise was the sound of the creek playing over the rocks; the only thing moving was the tops of the trees as they were tickled by the wind. There was also the sound of a fifteen soon to be sixteen year old young man crashing through the brush in big boots.
I saw hardly any member of the animal kingdom except for spiders. And crows. I ran into a large batch of crows. Large and apparently agitated. I was actually worried they would dive bomb me, and even went so far as to arm myself with a club, but I think the amount of noise I made while scrounging around for a suitable bludgeon scared them off. That and my big boots.
While down in the woods, I had a lot of time for thinking. It was quite enough to really think properly, and I puzzled out a good many things. Mainly, I worked out a theory on the basic nature of love and attraction, decided that the rise in the number of cancer cases must be in some way related to the rising amount of chemicals and junk that is in our food, and wondered why my feet weren't sweating as much as they should be. Was the Thinsulation in my big boots wearing out? How would they hold up this winter?. All theories still need to be tested.
On my way up one particularly steep hill, I came across a tree that looked suitable to climbing. This was very unusual, as most of the trees in my woods are either too large, or too small, or too dead. So I couldn't let this opportunity pass up. Using the excellent grip provided by my big boots, I easily scaled the tree. As I mentioned, this tree was near the top of a hill, so upon reaching the top, the view I was presented was astounding. Rank upon rank of trees marched up the hill across the creek from me, the sunlight dancing on their leaves, with the wind pushing them back and forth as I, perched in my tree, swayed with them. Well, that doesn't really describe it as well as I would like, but that's about as far as words can go. Maybe Emerson or Thoreau could have said it better.
I type all this primarily because I don't have much else to do. But another reason is to encourage anyone who reads this to go outside. It's nice out there. You'll like it.
It was one of the most enjoyable afternoons I've spent in a while. It was so quiet down there.So quite; and quietness is a rare thing around my house. The only noise was the sound of the creek playing over the rocks; the only thing moving was the tops of the trees as they were tickled by the wind. There was also the sound of a fifteen soon to be sixteen year old young man crashing through the brush in big boots.
I saw hardly any member of the animal kingdom except for spiders. And crows. I ran into a large batch of crows. Large and apparently agitated. I was actually worried they would dive bomb me, and even went so far as to arm myself with a club, but I think the amount of noise I made while scrounging around for a suitable bludgeon scared them off. That and my big boots.
While down in the woods, I had a lot of time for thinking. It was quite enough to really think properly, and I puzzled out a good many things. Mainly, I worked out a theory on the basic nature of love and attraction, decided that the rise in the number of cancer cases must be in some way related to the rising amount of chemicals and junk that is in our food, and wondered why my feet weren't sweating as much as they should be. Was the Thinsulation in my big boots wearing out? How would they hold up this winter?. All theories still need to be tested.
On my way up one particularly steep hill, I came across a tree that looked suitable to climbing. This was very unusual, as most of the trees in my woods are either too large, or too small, or too dead. So I couldn't let this opportunity pass up. Using the excellent grip provided by my big boots, I easily scaled the tree. As I mentioned, this tree was near the top of a hill, so upon reaching the top, the view I was presented was astounding. Rank upon rank of trees marched up the hill across the creek from me, the sunlight dancing on their leaves, with the wind pushing them back and forth as I, perched in my tree, swayed with them. Well, that doesn't really describe it as well as I would like, but that's about as far as words can go. Maybe Emerson or Thoreau could have said it better.
I type all this primarily because I don't have much else to do. But another reason is to encourage anyone who reads this to go outside. It's nice out there. You'll like it.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Cambodian Politics
Well, I've finally surrendered to the wave of Blog-Mania that has been sweeping the nation. I figured since most of my other friends have one, and since they're pretty cool people, I might as well start one up myself. Because I'm cool too. In fact I might be the coolest, most humble guy I know, so I guess I need a blahg...I mean blog.
If you've decided to waste your time at this place, I should tell you what to expect. Don't expect regular updates. And don't expect the posts I do make to be very relevant or coherent. Also expect heavy use of Italics. They are added for emphasis, so make sure this is reflected in that little voice you use to read to yourself in your head. You know what I'm talking about. Furthermore, when I use double (or triple, or quadruple...) superlatives, it's because I want to, not because I am ignorant of the rules of English Grammar. Double superlatives are the mostest funnest things ever, kids!
That should be just about all you need to know to get started. Were you expecting me to give you a long spill about the kind of person I am, and what my fondest hopes and dreams are, and where I live, and what time I go out at night all by myself in deserted parking lots in districts where even the police are afraid to go? Well tough. You ain't gettin' one...stalker.
If you've decided to waste your time at this place, I should tell you what to expect. Don't expect regular updates. And don't expect the posts I do make to be very relevant or coherent. Also expect heavy use of Italics. They are added for emphasis, so make sure this is reflected in that little voice you use to read to yourself in your head. You know what I'm talking about. Furthermore, when I use double (or triple, or quadruple...) superlatives, it's because I want to, not because I am ignorant of the rules of English Grammar. Double superlatives are the mostest funnest things ever, kids!
That should be just about all you need to know to get started. Were you expecting me to give you a long spill about the kind of person I am, and what my fondest hopes and dreams are, and where I live, and what time I go out at night all by myself in deserted parking lots in districts where even the police are afraid to go? Well tough. You ain't gettin' one...stalker.
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