So Then I Said...

Kids, today I would like to discuss a very important aspect of fire safety. Please study the following illustration carefully.


Now, I know that setting yourself on fire might seem like a good, fun idea. I know you'll be in a situation where everyone's doing it and you might be tempted to succumb to the peer pressure. You'll be afraid that all the other kids will laugh at you if you don't go along. Let me take this opportunity to encourage you to not give in. Setting yourself on fire is not fun, and it is most definantly not safe.
But what if you find yourself in a situation where you have accidentally set yourself on fire? There are some basic safety rules that you should follow.
First, here is a list of what you should not do:
1. Do not panic.
2. Do not run around waving your arms and screaming like a maniac, "AHHHHH!!! I'M ON FIRE!! I'M ON FIRE!!!"
3. Do not jump into a pool of gasoline.
4. Do not give anyone standing nearby a hug.

So here is what you should do.
1. First, calmly assess the situation and plan your course of action. Your thought process might go something like this: "Now, it appears that I am on fire. This could be a potentially hazardous situation to me and those around me, so I should take steps to deal with it promptly and safely."
2. If there is a body of water nearby, it would be wise to make your way calmly but quickly towards it. Once there,immerse yourself, thereby extinguishing the flames. (Caution: This step carries some risk of drowning. Exercise care.)
3. If there is no body of water present, calmly drop to the ground, but not too quickly or you might cause bruising, and then proceed to roll about (again not too quickly or vigorously; you're already on fire, you don't want to be sore on top of that) until the flames are put out.
4. If there is no ground nearby, if say, you are falling out of an airplane and are on fire, quickly and calmly remove the articles of clothing that are aflame and discard them. (Caution: This step carries some risk of embarrassment.)

Well kids, this concludes today's lesson. I hope that you have learned something valuable about fire safety. Remember, in any emergency situation the best advice is to not panic, whether it be a nuclear disaster, or the spontaneous combustion of a limb, just try to remain calm.
Stay safe!

Forked tongues

This afternoon I spent a good two hours or so tramping around in the woods behind my house. I was wearing my big boots because, as everyone knows, big boots are essential if one wishes to tramp properly.
It was one of the most enjoyable afternoons I've spent in a while. It was so quiet down there.So quite; and quietness is a rare thing around my house. The only noise was the sound of the creek playing over the rocks; the only thing moving was the tops of the trees as they were tickled by the wind. There was also the sound of a fifteen soon to be sixteen year old young man crashing through the brush in big boots.
I saw hardly any member of the animal kingdom except for spiders. And crows. I ran into a large batch of crows. Large and apparently agitated. I was actually worried they would dive bomb me, and even went so far as to arm myself with a club, but I think the amount of noise I made while scrounging around for a suitable bludgeon scared them off. That and my big boots.
While down in the woods, I had a lot of time for thinking. It was quite enough to really think properly, and I puzzled out a good many things. Mainly, I worked out a theory on the basic nature of love and attraction, decided that the rise in the number of cancer cases must be in some way related to the rising amount of chemicals and junk that is in our food, and wondered why my feet weren't sweating as much as they should be. Was the Thinsulation in my big boots wearing out? How would they hold up this winter?. All theories still need to be tested.
On my way up one particularly steep hill, I came across a tree that looked suitable to climbing. This was very unusual, as most of the trees in my woods are either too large, or too small, or too dead. So I couldn't let this opportunity pass up. Using the excellent grip provided by my big boots, I easily scaled the tree. As I mentioned, this tree was near the top of a hill, so upon reaching the top, the view I was presented was astounding. Rank upon rank of trees marched up the hill across the creek from me, the sunlight dancing on their leaves, with the wind pushing them back and forth as I, perched in my tree, swayed with them. Well, that doesn't really describe it as well as I would like, but that's about as far as words can go. Maybe Emerson or Thoreau could have said it better.
I type all this primarily because I don't have much else to do. But another reason is to encourage anyone who reads this to go outside. It's nice out there. You'll like it.

Cambodian Politics

Well, I've finally surrendered to the wave of Blog-Mania that has been sweeping the nation. I figured since most of my other friends have one, and since they're pretty cool people, I might as well start one up myself. Because I'm cool too. In fact I might be the coolest, most humble guy I know, so I guess I need a blahg...I mean blog.
If you've decided to waste your time at this place, I should tell you what to expect. Don't expect regular updates. And don't expect the posts I do make to be very relevant or coherent. Also expect heavy use of Italics. They are added for emphasis, so make sure this is reflected in that little voice you use to read to yourself in your head. You know what I'm talking about. Furthermore, when I use double (or triple, or quadruple...) superlatives, it's because I want to, not because I am ignorant of the rules of English Grammar. Double superlatives are the mostest funnest things ever, kids!
That should be just about all you need to know to get started. Were you expecting me to give you a long spill about the kind of person I am, and what my fondest hopes and dreams are, and where I live, and what time I go out at night all by myself in deserted parking lots in districts where even the police are afraid to go? Well tough. You ain't gettin' one...stalker.