A little something I did for composition today. Don't you wish you went to my school?
A Brief Observation
on the
Lives and Social Habits
of
Trolls
Upon first reading this title, you may have asked yourself, "What more is there to know about trolls? They live in caves, they eat rocks, and they smash
things. That's about it, right?" While those are legitimate facts of troll life, they are too superficial. They fail to show the true depth and complexity of troll culture. To truly understand trolls, the questions one must ask are: What do trolls like so much about caves? How are they able to eat rocks? Why do they smash things?
These are the questions that I will attempt to answer in this composition, and I hope that by doing so, I will have given you a greater appreciation for all things trollish.
First of all, we will examine the common troll's habitation: the cave. It is a well established fact that most troll caves are merely round repositories for rotting refuse and repulsive rubbish. But there is more to it than that. Trolls live in caves for several reasons. For example, trolls are big and so are caves, so it is a natural match. Also, caves are very easy to take care of, which trolls find attractive as they are not too fond of home maintainence. Trolls usually attempt to settle in a cave that is situated on a cliff or moutainside; the reason being that the elevation provides ample oppurtunities to throw large, heavy objects onto smaller, more fragile objects below.
Another feature that attracts trolls to caves is the abundance of rocks, which trolls eat. You see, trolls love to eat. It is one of their favorite activities. When a troll first moves into an area, he will immediately set out to consume anything edible in that region. This usually does not take very long, and accounts for the barreness of the land around most troll caves. Soon there is nothing left for the troll to eat except rocks. Rocks are difficult to chew, even for trolls, and it takes quite a while for a troll to eat any significant number of them. To date, no known troll has ever eaten the entire available number of rocks in his cave; either dying or moving on to more flavorfully diverse lands before the supply is exhausted.
If there is one thing that trolls like more than eating, it is smashing things. Why? Trolls just find this fun. Every troll has a large stick that he carries with him everywhere he goes. This is referred to by experts as a "troll stick". Trolls are immensely attached to their wooden clubs and will go to great lengths to keep the same one.
After a marathon of smashing, a troll can be observed to sit in his cave for long periods of time, painstakingly picking the smallest fragments of smashed objects out of his troll stick. The only known regular social gathering of trolls is for something they refer to as "Big Smash". This is an event in which large numbers of trolls will gather and proceed to smash anything and everything they can get their sticks on. It is truly an inspiring spectacle to witness (from a safe distance, of course).
I hope that after reading this essay you have a new respect for trolls and their ways. I hope that you recognize them for the interesting creatures they are, and will not simply dismiss them as nasty, brutish, and stupid, although these are qualities that they certainly posess.
A.D. Mundle
Professor of Trollology at The University
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
wow..I feel so enlightened now.
I always knew trolls had a deeper character than we give them credit for.
I never knew that trolls were so much more than big sticks and large appetites.
wow. i must meet this famous Trollologist someday.
brilliant.
magnificent.
great stuff Mundle.
professor, can you tell me what the average life-span of the troll is?
All-wise Professor Mundle, what is the meaning of troll-life?
I submitted your questions to the Professor: Trolls live very dangerous lives, what with all of the smashing and binge rock eating, so it is uncommon for a troll to live very long by human standards. For example, were a troll to reach the age of forty, this would be considered VERY old indeed for a troll. That being said, the average life span for a troll is twenty-four years as near as we can tell.
And to answer the second question: 42.
wow...so trolls actually do those things for reasons!
amazing.
42...the meaning of troll life is 42 what? 42 fragile things they've pulverized with rocks? 42 rocks they've successfully ingested? 42 caves they've been evicted from?
tell the Professor that this is an awesome essay.
reminds me of a friend who had a dauschund named Rommel. he carried around a brick like a little kid carries around his blanket. only the dog carried the brick around in his mouth (obviously). well, anyway, the brick got smaller and smaller, and the dog finally died from all the brick he had ingested. interesting similarity in this dog and the trolls you are talking about.
One would never guess that trolls were so complex, and yet, so simple
Yes, Ralph...the answer to the second question is 42. How wise thou art.
::smiles knowingly::
i think if i thirty year old troll traded toothbrushes with a shifty-five-eife year old albino dwarf then the meaning of the troll's life would skyrocket.
lovely post, Sir.
Post a Comment