Crushing Contortionists

Whilst cleaning out one of the drawers in my room not too long ago, I happened upon this little bit of insanity that was written by yours truly at the tender age of nine...or ten. It's all a bit hazy, so I can't remember exactly. What I do remember is that I was sitting in my room, busily playing with Legos and started acting out the following...skit., I guess you would call it. Now, you must understand that when I played with Legos, I didn't just build something and then break it, oh no, I would build something and then proceed to spin out a tale that sometimes lasted for days on end. Like this one time I had a bunch of Silly-Putty and I pretended it was some kind of evil space goo, and it crash landed on Earth and all the Lego guys had to try and stop it from taking over the world. But at first it looked like there was no way, because it was goo, ya know? and all of their shots were just absorbed or passed right through it, and then the goo would come up and swallow whoever was shooting at it, so everyone had to put their heads together and.....But I digress. Anyhoodle, here's the little skit that I thought was so funny I just had to write it down:

THE BUGS
and Floyd

Fred: Look Floyd, bugs!
Floyd: Ahhh! Bugs!! I hate bugs!
Floyd starts stamping the bugs while yelling: "Bugs! I hate bugs!"
Fred: Ooookay. I'll just leave now.
Floyd: I hate bugs!
Fred leaves the house. Floyd's wife and daughter walk in.
Daughter: Mommy, is daddy ok?
Wife: It's ok Sue, your daddy does this sometimes.
Sue: What's he saying?
Wife: Listen.
Floyd: I hate bugs! If I had it my way there would be no bugs! Why are there bugs, anyway?
Sue: Are you sure daddy's ok?
Wife:It's ok Sue, don't worry.
Floyd: Confound and botherate these bugs!
Wife: Ok, now you can worry.
Floyd goes and gets his shotgun and starts shooting the bugs.
Floyd: Ha ha ha! Die bugs!
Wife: Honey, I think you should stop now. You're scaring Sue.
Floyd: Nonsense, April. Sue hates bugs too.
Sue: No I don't. I think bugs are cool.
Floyd: What?!? Go to your room! You're grounded!!!
Sue runs to her room, crying.
April: I don't think that was necessary,dear.
Floyd drops the shotgun.
Floyd: You dare question my authority?!?
April: No, I just-
Floyd picks up the shotgun and says: I've got a shotgun!
April: Honey-
Floyd: I've got a shotgun and I know how to use it!
April:Um, dear, I think it's supposed to be turned the other way around.
Floyd: Now you're telling me how to do things?!? That's it! I'm getting rid of you right now!
Floyd pulls the trigger and goes flying out the window.

The End

The Number of Completion (I think I'm the last one...)

You all know the drill by now.

Seven things...

To do before I die:
= Travel the world
= Fall completely, totally in love and (here's the kicker) have that feeling returned
= Write and publish my novel
= Get it made into one seriously awesome movie. I know it would be awesome! I just know it!
= Become a martial artist
= To be called Grandpa, and be able to finally grow my Grandpa Beard (that's a trademarked term right there)
= To randomly just hop in the car and drive until I wind up somewhere

I cannot do:
= Whistle really loud through my fingers
= Comprehend eternity
= Eat boiled squash
= Be flexible
= Stand people who imitate homosexuals. It's abomination people. If you kid around about it, it means you're not taking it seriously
= I cannot bear to be left out
= Get up on time on a school day. I always need at least five more minutes.

That attracted me to my spouse:

= Eyes you can drown in
= The fact that she'd as soon slit your throat as look at you (yeah, figure that one out...)
= A Godly spirit
= She's intelligent and can carry on an intelligent conversation
= She shares some of my interests, but not all of them (if we're exactly alike, one of us is unnecessary)
= She'll argue with me. I mean a real good argument, with raised voices and everything. Maybe we could even throw stuff at each other.
= But at the end of said argument, she acknowledges that the Bible says that she is to be the submissive one (but not too submissive)

Things I say most often:
= Holy crap!
= Are you serious?
= Indeed
= indubitably (ok not really but it's just a cool word)
= N-n-n-n-n-n-no
= Yes?
= I'm hungry

Books I love:
= LOTR
= Chronicles of Narnia
= My Side of the Mountain
= The Wheel of Time series (most of them anyways)
= Ender's Game
= The Count of Monte Cristo
= Dune
(before you guys rag on me, the Bible is separate and apart)

Movies I could watch over and over:
= Any LOTR movie
= Batman Begins
= Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
= Pirates of the Caribbean
= X-Men 2
= Master and Commander
= Ocean's 11 and 12

People I want to tag:
= George W. Bush

Messiah

On Monday of this week I had one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I was able to perform in Handel's Messiah. If you don't know what that is, then shame on you. Messiah is the famous oratorio (great word) which contains the Hallelujah chorus that everybody knows. My father, mother, one of my sisters, and myself were all in the choir.
Now the music was fantastic, what with the huge choir (about 80-100 strong) singing, and the orchestra playing, but what really stands out is the words. Handel used only scripture, and it's really hard to improve on God's writing. By Handel's choice of words, and the music he put to them, you can tell he was very close to the Lord when he was writing this. In Surely He Hath Bourne Our Griefs you can almost feel Christ's suffering. In For Since By Man Came Death you get a sense of the awful state that man put himself in, but also an explosive sense of joy in knowing that Jesus rescued us from that fate.
This is a beautiful and spiritually nourishing piece of music, and should you ever get the chance to be a part of the Messiah, leap at it.