How much snot is it possible for one human nose to contain?
"Eww, gross! Graham, are you seriously going to write a post about snot??"
Yes, yes I am.
I mean seriously, doesn't it ever strike you as odd that when you have a cold or something you just blow and blow and blow and blow and it still comes out! Yes, I know all about your happy little mucous glands that are constantly pumping out a steady supply of snot, but when those little suckers hop into overdrive, it nearly defies the imagination at the amount they can produce in so short a time. There seems to be no end to it. It's like you have the Eternal Fountain of Snot hidden away somewhere in your nasal cavity. You might even halfway expect some Spanish explorer to come looking for it.
"Senor Vierra, why have we come to this strange and frightening place? My clothes are all ruined now."
"Don't you know, Guacomo? We have come seeking the Eternal Fountain of Snot, to claim it in the name of the glorious Kingdom of Spain! Our names will stickily live on through all the ages!"
It is rather disconcerting to see the number of tissues that begin to pile up. Will your supply of snot outlast the supply of tissues? Of boxes of tissue? Of the very trees that are cut down and ground up in cruel and unusual ways just so that they can be made into tissues so you can have some other place besides your nose to put your snot???
Here's what I say: We need to stop looking into wind power, or nuclear power, or whatever, and start developing some kind of snot power. There's plenty of it to go around. And Al Gore sure would be happy. That's a green energy source if I ever saw one.
("Oh, Graham, that was a terrible joke..."
"I know, I know, I'm sorry, but I had to say it."
"No, you really didn't. I think everyone could have lived perfectly happy, productive, and pH balanced lives without reading that."
"Well, sorry. Who died and made you Joke Police?"
"Nobody has to die for you to be inducted into the Joke Police. You just fill out an application. Don't be so morbid...")
Friday, July 04, 2008
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