Let's talk about trust in human relationships.
Observe:
When you find out that someone likes/has a thing for/is infatuated with/whateveryouwanttocallit you, you can no longer trust that person. "But wait, isn't that sort of backwards?" you may ask "Wouldn't you know you would be able to trust him/her because they have feelings for you and would never want to betray you?" You would think so. But that's not what happens. You can no longer tell this person anything. Why? Because they are paying attention. When next you unburden yourself to them, everything you say will be weighed, meticulously examined, and, worst of all, remembered. You see, normally when you speak to a friend about an emotionally confusing issue, they will kindly listen to what you have to say (because they're nice people), nod in all the right places, and then promptly forget the whole thing. That's the way these things are supposed to work. It preserves the Circle of Trust. Since the issue was forgotten, it cannot be spread abroad. But, if the person you are using as a sounding board happens to like you (that way) then they will constantly be evaluating your comments, thinking "Ok, how does this apply to me? Is he talking about me there? How can I use this?" Do you see what happened? All of a sudden your problem is not about you anymore. It's about them. And, since it's their problem, the next time they feel the need to talk, they will have no reservations whatsover in divulging what you told them in confidence. It's not that they do it maliciously, it's just that they no longer perceive it as being your secret.
So, the best thing to do when you learn that a person to whom you have been pouring out your soul is enjoying that soul-pouring a bit too much, is to break contact. I don't mean totally exclude them, just don't let them be your secret keeper anymore. Then, go find someone who you have absolutely zero chances with, or better yet, someone already in a relationship, and use them as your go-to person. However, be careful in this step. If you are particularly good-looking, or charming, or a combination of the two, then when you open up and show your vulnerable side, you may end up creating "feelings" in the person you are sharing your innermost self with.
And then you're back to the same problem you started out with.
(Note: The above post was written tongue-in-cheek, and the reader is discouraged from making in life/relationship altering decisions based upon it.)
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13 comments:
Sometimes you are strangely perceptive, but sometimes just strange all together.
AND THEN.... when you open up and talk about your "feelings" then SHE expects you to want to talk about "feelings" ALL the time. So you're trapped!!
My life has been revolutionized by your advice. For so long I wandered lost in a sea of loathing, self-doubt, and pain, but your words have helped me *starts sobbing* in ways I just can't express . . .
So seriously, interesting stuff!
u have screwed up logic and i think you need to re-evaluate this whole "post".
Part of being a friend is listening, actually LISTENING, and then HELPING.
That just makes you look like a lousy friend.
Actually Cal-El you are 100% wrong. When you open up and tell her all your feelings for her and so forth then she says you're moving to fast and shuns you. Women......
Good post ;)
It's kinda' different if you're a girl...
at least that's the way it is with me.
Graham, you are hopelessly too good looking for me to ever be your secret keeper..truly sorry.
It's an endless cycle. Whatever are we to do?? I guess we'll just all have to become mutes. Or talk only about non-feeling attached subjects. Hehe.
Great post. Very thought-provoking.
it's so nice to be a grownup. i can talk to whomever i please about whatever i want. i like it.
I felt the need to reiterate. I have a headache. Maybe it's your musings, or maybe I have chronic headaches. Who knows?
so you have a bond of trust with someone when you are confident that they will forget what you tell them immediatly? seems to me that thats not trust but forgetfulness. if they dont care enough about you to even remember something you tell them thats important to you, why are you confiding in them?
I don't see the problem here...we're guys - we don't talk about our feelings anyway. We go kill things in the woods, or bring home the bacon, etc. but we don't share feelings...do we?
the wheels on your bus need oiling.
post.
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