Thursday, September 21, 2006
Into the Blue
As most of you probably know, I will be leaving for Italy on Saturday. This will be my greatest adventure yet. My uncle and I will be flying out of Atlanta in the afternoon, we'll layover in Paris, and then come into Rome. Six days I shall be abroad. Three in ancient Roma, two in beautiful Sorrento, and then back to Rome for the final day. Mine eyes shall behold sights viewed by emperor's, my feet walk paths tred for thousands of years. It doesn't even seem real. I would deeply appreciate it if you would all keep my uncle and me in your prayers. Pray that we will have a safe journey, free from complications and full of fun. And also pray that the Pope doesn't tick off any more Muslims while I'm over there. I'll try to take plenty of pictures to share, and maybe I'll brave the horrendous long-distance charges and post a brief audioblog...but on second thought, maybe not.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Brisk and Bubbly
A little something I did for composition today. Don't you wish you went to my school?
A Brief Observation
on the
Lives and Social Habits
of
Trolls
Upon first reading this title, you may have asked yourself, "What more is there to know about trolls? They live in caves, they eat rocks, and they smash
things. That's about it, right?" While those are legitimate facts of troll life, they are too superficial. They fail to show the true depth and complexity of troll culture. To truly understand trolls, the questions one must ask are: What do trolls like so much about caves? How are they able to eat rocks? Why do they smash things?
These are the questions that I will attempt to answer in this composition, and I hope that by doing so, I will have given you a greater appreciation for all things trollish.
First of all, we will examine the common troll's habitation: the cave. It is a well established fact that most troll caves are merely round repositories for rotting refuse and repulsive rubbish. But there is more to it than that. Trolls live in caves for several reasons. For example, trolls are big and so are caves, so it is a natural match. Also, caves are very easy to take care of, which trolls find attractive as they are not too fond of home maintainence. Trolls usually attempt to settle in a cave that is situated on a cliff or moutainside; the reason being that the elevation provides ample oppurtunities to throw large, heavy objects onto smaller, more fragile objects below.
Another feature that attracts trolls to caves is the abundance of rocks, which trolls eat. You see, trolls love to eat. It is one of their favorite activities. When a troll first moves into an area, he will immediately set out to consume anything edible in that region. This usually does not take very long, and accounts for the barreness of the land around most troll caves. Soon there is nothing left for the troll to eat except rocks. Rocks are difficult to chew, even for trolls, and it takes quite a while for a troll to eat any significant number of them. To date, no known troll has ever eaten the entire available number of rocks in his cave; either dying or moving on to more flavorfully diverse lands before the supply is exhausted.
If there is one thing that trolls like more than eating, it is smashing things. Why? Trolls just find this fun. Every troll has a large stick that he carries with him everywhere he goes. This is referred to by experts as a "troll stick". Trolls are immensely attached to their wooden clubs and will go to great lengths to keep the same one.
After a marathon of smashing, a troll can be observed to sit in his cave for long periods of time, painstakingly picking the smallest fragments of smashed objects out of his troll stick. The only known regular social gathering of trolls is for something they refer to as "Big Smash". This is an event in which large numbers of trolls will gather and proceed to smash anything and everything they can get their sticks on. It is truly an inspiring spectacle to witness (from a safe distance, of course).
I hope that after reading this essay you have a new respect for trolls and their ways. I hope that you recognize them for the interesting creatures they are, and will not simply dismiss them as nasty, brutish, and stupid, although these are qualities that they certainly posess.
A.D. Mundle
Professor of Trollology at The University
A Brief Observation
on the
Lives and Social Habits
of
Trolls
Upon first reading this title, you may have asked yourself, "What more is there to know about trolls? They live in caves, they eat rocks, and they smash
things. That's about it, right?" While those are legitimate facts of troll life, they are too superficial. They fail to show the true depth and complexity of troll culture. To truly understand trolls, the questions one must ask are: What do trolls like so much about caves? How are they able to eat rocks? Why do they smash things?
These are the questions that I will attempt to answer in this composition, and I hope that by doing so, I will have given you a greater appreciation for all things trollish.
First of all, we will examine the common troll's habitation: the cave. It is a well established fact that most troll caves are merely round repositories for rotting refuse and repulsive rubbish. But there is more to it than that. Trolls live in caves for several reasons. For example, trolls are big and so are caves, so it is a natural match. Also, caves are very easy to take care of, which trolls find attractive as they are not too fond of home maintainence. Trolls usually attempt to settle in a cave that is situated on a cliff or moutainside; the reason being that the elevation provides ample oppurtunities to throw large, heavy objects onto smaller, more fragile objects below.
Another feature that attracts trolls to caves is the abundance of rocks, which trolls eat. You see, trolls love to eat. It is one of their favorite activities. When a troll first moves into an area, he will immediately set out to consume anything edible in that region. This usually does not take very long, and accounts for the barreness of the land around most troll caves. Soon there is nothing left for the troll to eat except rocks. Rocks are difficult to chew, even for trolls, and it takes quite a while for a troll to eat any significant number of them. To date, no known troll has ever eaten the entire available number of rocks in his cave; either dying or moving on to more flavorfully diverse lands before the supply is exhausted.
If there is one thing that trolls like more than eating, it is smashing things. Why? Trolls just find this fun. Every troll has a large stick that he carries with him everywhere he goes. This is referred to by experts as a "troll stick". Trolls are immensely attached to their wooden clubs and will go to great lengths to keep the same one.
After a marathon of smashing, a troll can be observed to sit in his cave for long periods of time, painstakingly picking the smallest fragments of smashed objects out of his troll stick. The only known regular social gathering of trolls is for something they refer to as "Big Smash". This is an event in which large numbers of trolls will gather and proceed to smash anything and everything they can get their sticks on. It is truly an inspiring spectacle to witness (from a safe distance, of course).
I hope that after reading this essay you have a new respect for trolls and their ways. I hope that you recognize them for the interesting creatures they are, and will not simply dismiss them as nasty, brutish, and stupid, although these are qualities that they certainly posess.
A.D. Mundle
Professor of Trollology at The University
Sunday, July 16, 2006
In Which I Wax...Something...
I know this is how most of my posts start, but the other day I was thinking. I was wondering how we got our measure of time. I mean, who decided that the length of a second was a second? I was thinking about waaaay back, when they were trying to figure out how to measure this whole day thing, what constant rhythm did they have to go by? So I was sitting there thinking (caution: it gets a little semi romantic here)when I noticed my heart. Thump, thump, thump...about a second apart... And it hit me: Time is measured in heartbeats.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Cripes
I have just been struck by the absurdity of hair. How strange is it to have this huge mass of...stuff on top of your head? Think about it. It's just funny.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Surprised?
Sweet. I just about broke the two month mark with my posting interval. As you probably noticed, I haven't had too much free time (clever, eh?) lately. To be more precise, I haven't had too much free time to post on my blog. I chose to do other things instead. They were important, trust me. But, to relieve you of your Graham Deprivation I have prepared the following post. I thought we'd do something light, just to get back into the swing of things:
Thoughts on the Driving Force Behind Human Progress
Now, I have actually given this some thought, and I have come to the conclusion that, however paradoxical it may seem, the driving force that motivates humans to improve their level of technology and such is laziness. Think about it. The vast majority of what we consider great technological advancements are labor saving devices. Man was too lazy to walk everywhere, so he invented a car. Tired of swinging that big hunk of sharp, heavy metal to kill your opponent in battle? Well, here we have the gun, requiring only enough effort to aim and pull the trigger. Man was too lazy to do all of those boring, complicated math equations himself, so we have the computer. Too much trouble to light that candle for illumination? With electricity and light bulbs, all you have to do is flip a switch.
If you wonder why there have been so many advances in technology recently, it is because this generation is much lazier than previous ones, and is therefore more motivated to find ways to get out of work. It follows that the lazier we become, the higher our civilization will advance in terms of our technological level. So do your part! The more time you spend lying around watching TV, the closer we are to finding a cure for cancer, or inventing a warp drive engine!
I want that warp engine real soon, so I'm going to stop expending mental and physical energy typing this post. Cheers.
Thoughts on the Driving Force Behind Human Progress
Now, I have actually given this some thought, and I have come to the conclusion that, however paradoxical it may seem, the driving force that motivates humans to improve their level of technology and such is laziness. Think about it. The vast majority of what we consider great technological advancements are labor saving devices. Man was too lazy to walk everywhere, so he invented a car. Tired of swinging that big hunk of sharp, heavy metal to kill your opponent in battle? Well, here we have the gun, requiring only enough effort to aim and pull the trigger. Man was too lazy to do all of those boring, complicated math equations himself, so we have the computer. Too much trouble to light that candle for illumination? With electricity and light bulbs, all you have to do is flip a switch.
If you wonder why there have been so many advances in technology recently, it is because this generation is much lazier than previous ones, and is therefore more motivated to find ways to get out of work. It follows that the lazier we become, the higher our civilization will advance in terms of our technological level. So do your part! The more time you spend lying around watching TV, the closer we are to finding a cure for cancer, or inventing a warp drive engine!
I want that warp engine real soon, so I'm going to stop expending mental and physical energy typing this post. Cheers.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Parsnip Pudding?
You know what I hate? Shoes that are hard to get off. For some odd reason it annoys me to no end when I have to sit and tug and strain for five minutes to get my shoe off. I have pair of black dress shoes that are snazzy for sure, but boy when it comes time to take them off, I feel them to be my mortal enemy. In a fantastic contest of wills we face each other: the one holding fast to it's long sought postition, the other striving with all of his considerable might to remove it. With many a "Mmmmph!" and "Hrrrgh!" the battle is fought, while the earth (symbolizing my foot) seems almost to burst asunder with the strain.
I just don't like shoes in general. God didn't intend for man to wear shoes. The hobbits had the right idea. Excuse me will I try to evolve a thick, furry covering for my foot.
I just don't like shoes in general. God didn't intend for man to wear shoes. The hobbits had the right idea. Excuse me will I try to evolve a thick, furry covering for my foot.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Wanted
Elegance:
n Refinement, grace, and beauty in movement, appearance, or manners.
Why don't girls have this any more? What happened?
n Refinement, grace, and beauty in movement, appearance, or manners.
Why don't girls have this any more? What happened?
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Gopher Cheese
Here's a copy of an e-mail I recently sent to a friend of mine. I thought some of you more politically minded Bloggers might enjoy reading it and then arguing with/making fun of me over it. Either way, here it is:
Why are we in Iraq? You've touched on a controversial issue there. I don't claim to be an expert in these things, so this will just be my opinion.
I believe we are in Iraq because President Bush thinks it was the right thing to do. The intelligence he received at the time seemed to indicate that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. The fact that he was refusing to allow UN weapons inspectors into certain areas only served to reinforce that claim. So here's the situation as Bush sees it: You have a sadistic dictator with the means of killing millions of innocent people. What decent person wouldn't want to do something about that? It's like having a convicted murderer running around and someone hands him a gun. Wouldn't you want the police to take him down before he got a chance to use that gun?
Ok, so we went to war. We took Saddam down. Yes, soldiers died, but that's war. Don't get me wrong, I admire our fighting men and what they do greatly, but if you are a soldier, death is an occupational hazard. But where are the WMDs? Maybe the intelligence was faulty, and they were never there in the first place. Maybe they were smuggled across the border into Syria. Who knows? Either way, Iraq and the world is better off without someone like Saddam Hussein in power.
"But it doesn't seem like the people want us there, and aren't there still tons of bombings and stuff? Aren't people still dying?" you might ask. Those are good questions, but let me address something right off. If you haven't noticed by now, the media is incredibly biased. Anything that they think they can twist into making the right-wing in general, and Bush in particular, look bad, you can bet it will make front page, prime time news. The media only reports the bad things that happen in Iraq. They only cover the malcontents. What you don't hear, is that those people are in the minority, and the vast number of Iraqis are greatful for what we did, and happy for the newfound freedom that they have. Where do I get that information? Sources that aren't mainstream, like World Magazine and such. They're biased as well (to the right) but at least they admit it.
What about all of the bombings and general instability? I admit that the "exit strategy", and plan for Iraq's new government could have been better thought out, but you have to consider this: No one has ever done this before. No one, to my knowledge, has ever come into a country, liberated it, and then set up a democratic government for that country. So cut us some slack,eh? We're learning as we go.
All of this is probably a little more than you were expecting,but remember it's all just my take on things. Maybe we really did go for the oil. Maybe it's all part of some conspiracy to take over the world. I don't know for sure, but what I've said above seems to make the most sense to me. What can I say? I'm an optimist.
Why are we in Iraq? You've touched on a controversial issue there. I don't claim to be an expert in these things, so this will just be my opinion.
I believe we are in Iraq because President Bush thinks it was the right thing to do. The intelligence he received at the time seemed to indicate that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. The fact that he was refusing to allow UN weapons inspectors into certain areas only served to reinforce that claim. So here's the situation as Bush sees it: You have a sadistic dictator with the means of killing millions of innocent people. What decent person wouldn't want to do something about that? It's like having a convicted murderer running around and someone hands him a gun. Wouldn't you want the police to take him down before he got a chance to use that gun?
Ok, so we went to war. We took Saddam down. Yes, soldiers died, but that's war. Don't get me wrong, I admire our fighting men and what they do greatly, but if you are a soldier, death is an occupational hazard. But where are the WMDs? Maybe the intelligence was faulty, and they were never there in the first place. Maybe they were smuggled across the border into Syria. Who knows? Either way, Iraq and the world is better off without someone like Saddam Hussein in power.
"But it doesn't seem like the people want us there, and aren't there still tons of bombings and stuff? Aren't people still dying?" you might ask. Those are good questions, but let me address something right off. If you haven't noticed by now, the media is incredibly biased. Anything that they think they can twist into making the right-wing in general, and Bush in particular, look bad, you can bet it will make front page, prime time news. The media only reports the bad things that happen in Iraq. They only cover the malcontents. What you don't hear, is that those people are in the minority, and the vast number of Iraqis are greatful for what we did, and happy for the newfound freedom that they have. Where do I get that information? Sources that aren't mainstream, like World Magazine and such. They're biased as well (to the right) but at least they admit it.
What about all of the bombings and general instability? I admit that the "exit strategy", and plan for Iraq's new government could have been better thought out, but you have to consider this: No one has ever done this before. No one, to my knowledge, has ever come into a country, liberated it, and then set up a democratic government for that country. So cut us some slack,eh? We're learning as we go.
All of this is probably a little more than you were expecting,but remember it's all just my take on things. Maybe we really did go for the oil. Maybe it's all part of some conspiracy to take over the world. I don't know for sure, but what I've said above seems to make the most sense to me. What can I say? I'm an optimist.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Sloop
It snowed today. Now, this statement in and of itself may not seem too profound, but you must understand, I live in Alabama. Winter for us is only being able to wear shorts in the afternoon. A sizeable portion of our population think snow is a figment of some crazy Yankee's imagination, brought on by sweet tea deprivation. Frozen rain?? Someone's a few branches short of a grits tree if you know what I mean. But, snow actually does exist. I know because I saw some today.
I was sitting and reading (imagine that) enjoying a day without working for The Man. When all of a sudden, as if drawn by some cosmic beckoning, my eyes left the extremely interesting page, in which Eishenhorn had just been betrayed by one of his former friends, and was about to be burned as a heretic, but one of his retinue, who had gone a bit off the deep end, summoned a daemonhost who proceeded to obliterate just about everyone, until....where was I? Oh right. Snow. Sorry, I get sidetracked easily. You know how it is, you're typing along, and you think about one thing and that leads to thoughts of another and before you know it, you don't know what the heck you're saying and your post/report/novella is a convoluted mess. Sometimes I wish I could be more typa A and stay on task.But then I'd have to have all of the other, upleasant qualities of type A's. I'd be boring, overbearing, bossy, highstrung, and I'd probably die of a heart attack at forty. That's just no way to live folks. Being type B is much more fun. You're laid back, fun loving, you have a "whatever" attitude, you'll probably live twice as long as a type A, though you'll only get about half as much done. But who cares? Whatever you did get done,you had a great time doing it.
I was sitting and reading (imagine that) enjoying a day without working for The Man. When all of a sudden, as if drawn by some cosmic beckoning, my eyes left the extremely interesting page, in which Eishenhorn had just been betrayed by one of his former friends, and was about to be burned as a heretic, but one of his retinue, who had gone a bit off the deep end, summoned a daemonhost who proceeded to obliterate just about everyone, until....where was I? Oh right. Snow. Sorry, I get sidetracked easily. You know how it is, you're typing along, and you think about one thing and that leads to thoughts of another and before you know it, you don't know what the heck you're saying and your post/report/novella is a convoluted mess. Sometimes I wish I could be more typa A and stay on task.But then I'd have to have all of the other, upleasant qualities of type A's. I'd be boring, overbearing, bossy, highstrung, and I'd probably die of a heart attack at forty. That's just no way to live folks. Being type B is much more fun. You're laid back, fun loving, you have a "whatever" attitude, you'll probably live twice as long as a type A, though you'll only get about half as much done. But who cares? Whatever you did get done,you had a great time doing it.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
For New Poetry "Performance" See Post Below
O Captain! My Captain! by Walt Whitman
A truly great poem. I don't think I did it justice, but I love it, so I wanted to give it a shot.
Now, I have a humble request of those who post poetry almost exclusively ( you know who you are) as well as of those for whom it's a less common occurance: Henceforth, whenever you post a poem, kindly post a reading of it as well, preferably by you. Reading a poem aloud is essential if you want it's full impact, and everyone else will get a lot more from it. Thanks in advance! (Because you know it's a great idea...because I had it.)
A truly great poem. I don't think I did it justice, but I love it, so I wanted to give it a shot.
Now, I have a humble request of those who post poetry almost exclusively ( you know who you are) as well as of those for whom it's a less common occurance: Henceforth, whenever you post a poem, kindly post a reading of it as well, preferably by you. Reading a poem aloud is essential if you want it's full impact, and everyone else will get a lot more from it. Thanks in advance! (Because you know it's a great idea...because I had it.)
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Epicidity
On the title, this is a made up word. Definition: The quality of being epic.
I was thinking today. I was thinking about the Christians who believe that you must accept Christ in order to go the Heaven. Conversely, they believe that if you do not accept Christ before you die, you will go to Hell. As I was thinking on this, I wondered: How can the people who believe this have any peace at all? How can they sleep at night knowing that all over the world, thousands and thousands of people who haven't accepted Christ or even heard the Gospel are dying and, according to their belief, being sent to Hell? Would you not want to spend every waking moment evangelising and trying to get people to accept? How could you stand the futility of that, knowing that no matter how many people you reach, how many you "save", there were always ten thousand more that you didn't, believing that no matter how hard you work, the number of people in Hell will always be greater than the number of people in Heaven? How could you do anything less than chain your children down until they accept Christ? How could you find time to enjoy anything, believing that every second you are not out there saving souls, Hell is just filling up? If you're not doing any of that, if you think it's not your job, how incredibly selfish does that sound? Think about it. If you do anything less than devote yourself entirely to "saving" others, you are deeming their salvation as less important than your own. This belief carries no peace. No hope.
Thank God that He took care of all of His people's salvation by Himself, once and for all.
I was thinking today. I was thinking about the Christians who believe that you must accept Christ in order to go the Heaven. Conversely, they believe that if you do not accept Christ before you die, you will go to Hell. As I was thinking on this, I wondered: How can the people who believe this have any peace at all? How can they sleep at night knowing that all over the world, thousands and thousands of people who haven't accepted Christ or even heard the Gospel are dying and, according to their belief, being sent to Hell? Would you not want to spend every waking moment evangelising and trying to get people to accept? How could you stand the futility of that, knowing that no matter how many people you reach, how many you "save", there were always ten thousand more that you didn't, believing that no matter how hard you work, the number of people in Hell will always be greater than the number of people in Heaven? How could you do anything less than chain your children down until they accept Christ? How could you find time to enjoy anything, believing that every second you are not out there saving souls, Hell is just filling up? If you're not doing any of that, if you think it's not your job, how incredibly selfish does that sound? Think about it. If you do anything less than devote yourself entirely to "saving" others, you are deeming their salvation as less important than your own. This belief carries no peace. No hope.
Thank God that He took care of all of His people's salvation by Himself, once and for all.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Crushing Contortionists
Whilst cleaning out one of the drawers in my room not too long ago, I happened upon this little bit of insanity that was written by yours truly at the tender age of nine...or ten. It's all a bit hazy, so I can't remember exactly. What I do remember is that I was sitting in my room, busily playing with Legos and started acting out the following...skit., I guess you would call it. Now, you must understand that when I played with Legos, I didn't just build something and then break it, oh no, I would build something and then proceed to spin out a tale that sometimes lasted for days on end. Like this one time I had a bunch of Silly-Putty and I pretended it was some kind of evil space goo, and it crash landed on Earth and all the Lego guys had to try and stop it from taking over the world. But at first it looked like there was no way, because it was goo, ya know? and all of their shots were just absorbed or passed right through it, and then the goo would come up and swallow whoever was shooting at it, so everyone had to put their heads together and.....But I digress. Anyhoodle, here's the little skit that I thought was so funny I just had to write it down:
THE BUGS
and Floyd
Fred: Look Floyd, bugs!
Floyd: Ahhh! Bugs!! I hate bugs!
Floyd starts stamping the bugs while yelling: "Bugs! I hate bugs!"
Fred: Ooookay. I'll just leave now.
Floyd: I hate bugs!
Fred leaves the house. Floyd's wife and daughter walk in.
Daughter: Mommy, is daddy ok?
Wife: It's ok Sue, your daddy does this sometimes.
Sue: What's he saying?
Wife: Listen.
Floyd: I hate bugs! If I had it my way there would be no bugs! Why are there bugs, anyway?
Sue: Are you sure daddy's ok?
Wife:It's ok Sue, don't worry.
Floyd: Confound and botherate these bugs!
Wife: Ok, now you can worry.
Floyd goes and gets his shotgun and starts shooting the bugs.
Floyd: Ha ha ha! Die bugs!
Wife: Honey, I think you should stop now. You're scaring Sue.
Floyd: Nonsense, April. Sue hates bugs too.
Sue: No I don't. I think bugs are cool.
Floyd: What?!? Go to your room! You're grounded!!!
Sue runs to her room, crying.
April: I don't think that was necessary,dear.
Floyd drops the shotgun.
Floyd: You dare question my authority?!?
April: No, I just-
Floyd picks up the shotgun and says: I've got a shotgun!
April: Honey-
Floyd: I've got a shotgun and I know how to use it!
April:Um, dear, I think it's supposed to be turned the other way around.
Floyd: Now you're telling me how to do things?!? That's it! I'm getting rid of you right now!
Floyd pulls the trigger and goes flying out the window.
The End
THE BUGS
and Floyd
Fred: Look Floyd, bugs!
Floyd: Ahhh! Bugs!! I hate bugs!
Floyd starts stamping the bugs while yelling: "Bugs! I hate bugs!"
Fred: Ooookay. I'll just leave now.
Floyd: I hate bugs!
Fred leaves the house. Floyd's wife and daughter walk in.
Daughter: Mommy, is daddy ok?
Wife: It's ok Sue, your daddy does this sometimes.
Sue: What's he saying?
Wife: Listen.
Floyd: I hate bugs! If I had it my way there would be no bugs! Why are there bugs, anyway?
Sue: Are you sure daddy's ok?
Wife:It's ok Sue, don't worry.
Floyd: Confound and botherate these bugs!
Wife: Ok, now you can worry.
Floyd goes and gets his shotgun and starts shooting the bugs.
Floyd: Ha ha ha! Die bugs!
Wife: Honey, I think you should stop now. You're scaring Sue.
Floyd: Nonsense, April. Sue hates bugs too.
Sue: No I don't. I think bugs are cool.
Floyd: What?!? Go to your room! You're grounded!!!
Sue runs to her room, crying.
April: I don't think that was necessary,dear.
Floyd drops the shotgun.
Floyd: You dare question my authority?!?
April: No, I just-
Floyd picks up the shotgun and says: I've got a shotgun!
April: Honey-
Floyd: I've got a shotgun and I know how to use it!
April:Um, dear, I think it's supposed to be turned the other way around.
Floyd: Now you're telling me how to do things?!? That's it! I'm getting rid of you right now!
Floyd pulls the trigger and goes flying out the window.
The End
Thursday, December 08, 2005
The Number of Completion (I think I'm the last one...)
You all know the drill by now.
Seven things...
To do before I die:
= Travel the world
= Fall completely, totally in love and (here's the kicker) have that feeling returned
= Write and publish my novel
= Get it made into one seriously awesome movie. I know it would be awesome! I just know it!
= Become a martial artist
= To be called Grandpa, and be able to finally grow my Grandpa Beard (that's a trademarked term right there)
= To randomly just hop in the car and drive until I wind up somewhere
I cannot do:
= Whistle really loud through my fingers
= Comprehend eternity
= Eat boiled squash
= Be flexible
= Stand people who imitate homosexuals. It's abomination people. If you kid around about it, it means you're not taking it seriously
= I cannot bear to be left out
= Get up on time on a school day. I always need at least five more minutes.
That attracted me to my spouse:
= Eyes you can drown in
= The fact that she'd as soon slit your throat as look at you (yeah, figure that one out...)
= A Godly spirit
= She's intelligent and can carry on an intelligent conversation
= She shares some of my interests, but not all of them (if we're exactly alike, one of us is unnecessary)
= She'll argue with me. I mean a real good argument, with raised voices and everything. Maybe we could even throw stuff at each other.
= But at the end of said argument, she acknowledges that the Bible says that she is to be the submissive one (but not too submissive)
Things I say most often:
= Holy crap!
= Are you serious?
= Indeed
= indubitably (ok not really but it's just a cool word)
= N-n-n-n-n-n-no
= Yes?
= I'm hungry
Books I love:
= LOTR
= Chronicles of Narnia
= My Side of the Mountain
= The Wheel of Time series (most of them anyways)
= Ender's Game
= The Count of Monte Cristo
= Dune
(before you guys rag on me, the Bible is separate and apart)
Movies I could watch over and over:
= Any LOTR movie
= Batman Begins
= Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
= Pirates of the Caribbean
= X-Men 2
= Master and Commander
= Ocean's 11 and 12
People I want to tag:
= George W. Bush
Seven things...
To do before I die:
= Travel the world
= Fall completely, totally in love and (here's the kicker) have that feeling returned
= Write and publish my novel
= Get it made into one seriously awesome movie. I know it would be awesome! I just know it!
= Become a martial artist
= To be called Grandpa, and be able to finally grow my Grandpa Beard (that's a trademarked term right there)
= To randomly just hop in the car and drive until I wind up somewhere
I cannot do:
= Whistle really loud through my fingers
= Comprehend eternity
= Eat boiled squash
= Be flexible
= Stand people who imitate homosexuals. It's abomination people. If you kid around about it, it means you're not taking it seriously
= I cannot bear to be left out
= Get up on time on a school day. I always need at least five more minutes.
That attracted me to my spouse:
= Eyes you can drown in
= The fact that she'd as soon slit your throat as look at you (yeah, figure that one out...)
= A Godly spirit
= She's intelligent and can carry on an intelligent conversation
= She shares some of my interests, but not all of them (if we're exactly alike, one of us is unnecessary)
= She'll argue with me. I mean a real good argument, with raised voices and everything. Maybe we could even throw stuff at each other.
= But at the end of said argument, she acknowledges that the Bible says that she is to be the submissive one (but not too submissive)
Things I say most often:
= Holy crap!
= Are you serious?
= Indeed
= indubitably (ok not really but it's just a cool word)
= N-n-n-n-n-n-no
= Yes?
= I'm hungry
Books I love:
= LOTR
= Chronicles of Narnia
= My Side of the Mountain
= The Wheel of Time series (most of them anyways)
= Ender's Game
= The Count of Monte Cristo
= Dune
(before you guys rag on me, the Bible is separate and apart)
Movies I could watch over and over:
= Any LOTR movie
= Batman Begins
= Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
= Pirates of the Caribbean
= X-Men 2
= Master and Commander
= Ocean's 11 and 12
People I want to tag:
= George W. Bush
Friday, December 02, 2005
Messiah
On Monday of this week I had one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I was able to perform in Handel's Messiah. If you don't know what that is, then shame on you. Messiah is the famous oratorio (great word) which contains the Hallelujah chorus that everybody knows. My father, mother, one of my sisters, and myself were all in the choir.
Now the music was fantastic, what with the huge choir (about 80-100 strong) singing, and the orchestra playing, but what really stands out is the words. Handel used only scripture, and it's really hard to improve on God's writing. By Handel's choice of words, and the music he put to them, you can tell he was very close to the Lord when he was writing this. In Surely He Hath Bourne Our Griefs you can almost feel Christ's suffering. In For Since By Man Came Death you get a sense of the awful state that man put himself in, but also an explosive sense of joy in knowing that Jesus rescued us from that fate.
This is a beautiful and spiritually nourishing piece of music, and should you ever get the chance to be a part of the Messiah, leap at it.
Now the music was fantastic, what with the huge choir (about 80-100 strong) singing, and the orchestra playing, but what really stands out is the words. Handel used only scripture, and it's really hard to improve on God's writing. By Handel's choice of words, and the music he put to them, you can tell he was very close to the Lord when he was writing this. In Surely He Hath Bourne Our Griefs you can almost feel Christ's suffering. In For Since By Man Came Death you get a sense of the awful state that man put himself in, but also an explosive sense of joy in knowing that Jesus rescued us from that fate.
This is a beautiful and spiritually nourishing piece of music, and should you ever get the chance to be a part of the Messiah, leap at it.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Dear Ralph the First
I "recently" received the following e-mail:
Dear Ralph--
Ok, so like, my boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues lately, and like, the other day we were talking on IM, and I told him I was so way tired of his avatar. So what do you think he did? He like went right then and got this avatar that's a picture from a movie he knows I so totally HATE! Is he trying to say something? Should I take it personally? I think I'm gonna call and tell him he is the biggest loser ever and I am like totally dumping him, or whatever. What do you think? Help me, Ralph!
-- McCayla
Dear McCayla,
In our day and time, internet relationship troubles are becoming an all too common problem. The IM avatar is a powerful expression of individuality, and oftentimes a window into a person's true being, so problems concerning this symbol should be dealt with quickly and thoroughly.
There are two possible explanations to your boyfriends behavior, both of them troubling.
1. He's not taking the avatar seriously, in which case he is really not the kind of person you would want to be with. A guy who jokes around about something as important as the Buddy Icon will invariably prove to be out of touch with reality or something like that.
2. He is taking the icon seriously, which would mean if he changed it to something he knows you despise, he's sending powerful signals about how he feels about the relationship. By changing his avatar to a symbol he knows will cause conflict, he's expressing that he doesn't feel he can relate to you, or that you can't understand him. In either case, it's a bad thing.
So, after careful examination and consideration, I have arrived at the following conclusion: Dump the loser. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, McCayla, since breakups are always painful, but trust me, I'm doing you a favor.
Ralph
Dear Ralph--
Ok, so like, my boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues lately, and like, the other day we were talking on IM, and I told him I was so way tired of his avatar. So what do you think he did? He like went right then and got this avatar that's a picture from a movie he knows I so totally HATE! Is he trying to say something? Should I take it personally? I think I'm gonna call and tell him he is the biggest loser ever and I am like totally dumping him, or whatever. What do you think? Help me, Ralph!
-- McCayla
Dear McCayla,
In our day and time, internet relationship troubles are becoming an all too common problem. The IM avatar is a powerful expression of individuality, and oftentimes a window into a person's true being, so problems concerning this symbol should be dealt with quickly and thoroughly.
There are two possible explanations to your boyfriends behavior, both of them troubling.
1. He's not taking the avatar seriously, in which case he is really not the kind of person you would want to be with. A guy who jokes around about something as important as the Buddy Icon will invariably prove to be out of touch with reality or something like that.
2. He is taking the icon seriously, which would mean if he changed it to something he knows you despise, he's sending powerful signals about how he feels about the relationship. By changing his avatar to a symbol he knows will cause conflict, he's expressing that he doesn't feel he can relate to you, or that you can't understand him. In either case, it's a bad thing.
So, after careful examination and consideration, I have arrived at the following conclusion: Dump the loser. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, McCayla, since breakups are always painful, but trust me, I'm doing you a favor.
Ralph
Monday, November 07, 2005
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Ye Olde Spellinge
The other day, whilst I was clearing the yard of leaf remains (which, despite it's inherently grisly nature, is actually a very boring task) I fell to thinking, which is often the case. I fell to thinking about the womenfolk, attempting to puzzle them out, which is also often the case. (On a side note, I would like to say to any fellas reading this that if you ever find yourself with nothing to do, trying to figure out the ladies will provide you with endless hours of brainwork.)
But as I was saying, while I was chopping and disfiguring all those leaves, I began musing upon the subject of what kind of man women look for. Now, I know that it varies greatly from woman to woman, but usually they have something in common (like wanting said man to not be a complete jerk). But what really puzzles me is that the same girl will more often than not want wildly different, and in some cases contradictory, traits in her "dream man". For instance: They want a guy who is sensitive (whatever the heck that means...), he'll spout poetry and hold long conversations about Austen or Bronte or some such. But at the same time they want a guy who will...I don't know, grab snakes and tie them in knots, or break rocks with their foreheads. Listen ladies, if a guy is spending all of his time reading Pride and Prejudice he is not out climbing mountains or wrestling grizzlies. And quite frankly, any "guy" who would want to watch Elizabeth Bennet sort out her personal problems rather than, say, Aragorn go to town on some Uruks,isn't much of a guy in my professional opinion.
I guess I'd just like to point out that we're guys. We are different. We don't like to sit around and talk about our feelings. We like things that explode. We definitely do not understand you ladies. So don't hold your breath too long waiting on someone who is basically just another girl with a Y chromosome.
The conclusion? Girls have no idea what they want until it bites them in the face.
My brain hurts.
But as I was saying, while I was chopping and disfiguring all those leaves, I began musing upon the subject of what kind of man women look for. Now, I know that it varies greatly from woman to woman, but usually they have something in common (like wanting said man to not be a complete jerk). But what really puzzles me is that the same girl will more often than not want wildly different, and in some cases contradictory, traits in her "dream man". For instance: They want a guy who is sensitive (whatever the heck that means...), he'll spout poetry and hold long conversations about Austen or Bronte or some such. But at the same time they want a guy who will...I don't know, grab snakes and tie them in knots, or break rocks with their foreheads. Listen ladies, if a guy is spending all of his time reading Pride and Prejudice he is not out climbing mountains or wrestling grizzlies. And quite frankly, any "guy" who would want to watch Elizabeth Bennet sort out her personal problems rather than, say, Aragorn go to town on some Uruks,isn't much of a guy in my professional opinion.
I guess I'd just like to point out that we're guys. We are different. We don't like to sit around and talk about our feelings. We like things that explode. We definitely do not understand you ladies. So don't hold your breath too long waiting on someone who is basically just another girl with a Y chromosome.
The conclusion? Girls have no idea what they want until it bites them in the face.
My brain hurts.
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